I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he thought i was a dude.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
