never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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