i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
