We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
