Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
