there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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