um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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