Too much gin, very little bucket
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
