every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
