there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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