arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
