So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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