I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
