One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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