i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
