Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
