i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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