im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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