rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
