Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
