I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
