Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
