even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
