I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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