Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
