Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
