dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
