Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
