I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
