i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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