I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....