One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?