The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once