Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
