woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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