If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
