its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
