There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
