clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
