I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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