Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
