Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away

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(512): View more from Texas

Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

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(801): View more from Utah

I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?

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(740): View more from Ohio

mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?

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