Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize