you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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