I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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