my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
