I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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