So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
4 words: hood of his car
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
