which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
