It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
