if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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