dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
