Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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