I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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