There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
