whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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