Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
