just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
