At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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