Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
