hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
