He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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