No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
