I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
