look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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