I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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