I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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