We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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